Self-care in Parenting

When that fated moment comes for me to leave this life and step into the next, I often wonder what the introduction class to Heaven will be like. Here is how I imagine it may go. "Hello and welcome to Heaven. You have arrived here after completing your time on Earth. Congratulations!" I hope when my time comes to move on, I will have lived my life in such a way that I am proud of my accomplishments and ready for the next learning opportunities. I do not have high expectations for that Heaven 101 class, but I do have one hope for this class (if I get the opportunity to take a class). I hope they say, "Now because of all your hard work on Earth, you are allowed to ask one question, one thing that you were never able to figure out during your time on Earth. Here is your chance to ask that burning question you have always had. What would you like to know?" If this is how it goes, what would your question be? If you could have any question answered in the entire existence in all of knowledge and experience, what would your question be?

I have many questions that I would LOVE to get an answer about. For example, was that an alien spaceship that I saw late one evening around 10 years ago? But I would need to narrow down all my questions to one. I do a question that I think has a more eternal aspect. “What is the key to successful parenting?” This is a question I have been pondering a lot lately with the birth of my first child. What does the ideal parenting style look like? What does the ideal parent look like? I am not sure if I will ever find the answer to this question, but through my pondering, I have found a few answers that I would like to share. The base of the answer that I have found surprised me because it starts where I would not expect it to start. It starts with me and my way of being. Maybe to you, this is obvious, but to me when asking, “What is the secret to successful parenting?” I genuinely thought there would be some kind of technique or a specific parenting style that would triumph overall. However, that has not been the case so far.

While there are many wonderful techniques to help parents, nothing has a greater influence on children than who their parents are at their core. In an article published by the Arbinger Institute titled The Parenting Pyramid, the author walks the readers through the best way to see a change in a parent-child relationship. It starts with the parent's way of being. Children can tell if we are living our own lives in the way we ask and expect them to live. The Arbinger Institute says in this article, “Whatever [parents] outward show of “acceptable” parental conduct, [their] children can tell the quality of [the parent’s] heart. They can tell whether [their parent is] thinking of them in what [the parent is] doing, or whether [their parent is] thinking of [themselves] and of [their] own convenience or reputation” (The Arbinger Institute, 1998).

So, what is the key to being a successful parent? I now know that it is living in harmony with my own way of being. It is being true to myself and to my child. This does not mean it will always be easy, it just means that my foundation will be strong and I can work up from there. 

The Arbinger Institute. (1998) The parenting pyramid. The Arbinger Company.  https://content.byui.edu/file/91e7c911-20c5-4b9f-b8fc-                  9e4b1b37b6fc/1/Parenting_Pyramid_article.pdf