Divorce- a Hard Question to Answer
Why do people get a divorce? Take a minute a write down four reasons why someone would get a divorce. I’m going to list a few of the common reasons that I have come up with to get the ball rolling.
When one spouse is unfaithful is a common cause in the 21st Century. Addictions, whether that be; pornography, alcohol, drugs, or other harmful substance abuse. Finances are another big one because getting on the same page can be a hard thing. Communication or lack thereof is another big one.
There are many many reasons why couples get divorced. I cannot say I have begun to scratch the surface of all the reasons. And when someone gets divorced it is not my place to judge or analyze why. But all my blog posts are about the family and supporting them. When divorce happens, it is just as much a part of a family's life as all the other parts. Especially in our modern times. We see it every day, and sadly sometimes feel the consequences of it ourselves. This semester I’ve been taking a family relations class and I am sad to say that over half of my classmates have been affected by it as children in divorce. I am nervous about what the statistics for divorce will be in the coming years.
But I am not here to talk about why people get divorced and how awful it is. Sometimes it is a very good thing. Every situation is different and is not my place to make broad comments on such a personal matter. However, I would like to talk about the stations of divorce that I’ve learned about. These stations, or stages, are a snapshot of the divorce process. A look into what the separation often looks like.
There are four different stations of divorce or steps.
1st Legal: The first step in divorce as a station is the legal part. Both parties have to sign a document to make the divorce legal.
2nd Economic: Now the divorce had to split up everything, finances, and possessions. This may be hard but usually is a very healing process.
3rd Social: As a couple, you make relationships and spend time with others. This would be awkward if you continue to do it after you’ve been divorced.
4th Parental: When children are involved, there has to be a separation of the children. This can be hard for all parties but parenting still needs to be done. Responsibility is now split and sometimes even a step-parent steps in.
Getting a divorce is not a simple matter of signing papers and you are done. It is important to think through all that a divorce will entail. I would just urge anyone who is thinking about a divorce to try and understand all that it will amount to. Truly know what you are doing, then if you are still confident and can walk forward and say, "This is the best option." do it. If you 100% have thought it through and can say that, do it. But if you can't say that with confidence, then maybe another solution is what your marriage needs. Get connected with a local and licensed Marriage Therapist. They can lead you and your spouse to resources that can help. They also are a great conversationalist. Talk to them about what you are going through and I bet you will find they may have a thought or two.
Before closing this post, I would like to talk a little bit about guidelines to follow when a stepparent is involved. So many divorces include children, which can be difficult terrain to navigate. It can become even more difficult when one parent remarries. These are some guidelines that were given to me as advice when working with couples who are divorced.
You need to accept that normalcy will not come right away. It’ll take about two years to get into A normal rhythm and what the ‘usual’ will look like.
When there is a stepparent involved, it is important that the biological parent does all the heavy disciplining. This will help create the correct balance that is needed in this relationship. The children are already going to be put through the wringer by having their parents separate, it’s kind of hard for them to accept a new person as their parent. This is why it’s so important that the biological parent does the disciplining.
Step-parents have to become like the fun aunt or uncle. This doesn’t mean taking them out to ice cream at two in the morning or giving them drugs. This means loving them and being there for them so that Have someone that they can turn to and trust.
Even though one of you is a biological parent and one of you is a stepparent, it is so important that you have daily council behind closed doors. This will help you guys still be a team and be able to work together for the best of the children.
Divorce is a hard decision and one that should not be taken lightly. Overall it is important to be very thoughtful and your decision. Because it has such large repercussions, you should be aware of that.
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