No one said Marriage Would be Easy

 Now that we have covered dating and courtship, it's only natural that we turn to the next step, that is marriage. Dating helps create patterns that will transfer into marriage. This is a time to grow in your commitment together. Now lets talk about that for a moment. 

What is commitment? Is it something you can measure? Can you see commitment in someone's eyes? If you said no to these two things I would say your correct. Then what would you say it is? It is a feeling? I would also say that is wrong. Commitment is not so much a feeling but it is a service. Commitment can grow with a relationship, and you can start practicing it when you are early in a relationship. When a boy ask a girl out on a date, he is committing to spending time with that girl and only her. He is promising his time and attention to her. Later down the road in the relationship, he may get down on one knee and ask for her hand in marriage. This is a bigger commitment he is making to her, saying that he will be her rock, a steady and unmovable promise to always be there for her. That is what commitment is. It's a promise to always think for the other person. 

That commitment will lead to some pretty big changes. In that first month and subsequence year, there are some adjustments that will need to be made on both ends. What would some of those be? If you had to make a list, what do you think are some of the adjustments that would need to be made. What are some of the hardships that the couple will face? What will they need to work through so that their lives, that are now intertwined, can fun smoothly? 

As I thought on this I came up with a few things and I would like to share them with you. 

Within the first month through the first year here are some things that a couple may experience as a newlywed couple. They may have to…

-         Adjust to sharing financial responsibilities.

-         Not as much alone time

-         A daily routine

-         Making sure you two are still going on dates

-         Learning how to fight/share ideas calmly

-         Discussion of when to have kids

-         Letting yourself rely on the other person

And so on and on and on. I am sure that I barley scratched the surface of tough situations as a newly married couple. Even though this is not all, I would like to discuss some of these in a bit more detail.

Adjusting to financial responsibility. This can be so hard, but so rewarding. When you marry someone, you marry them for better or worse. This can mean they either have a savings or debt. You will take on which ever one it is, and it will probably be going to be a bit of both. I think the more you try to keep separate, the more cause of mistrust will be created. If you give everything you have financially, then you are gaining trust and shared responsibility with increased love between one another.

The decision of when to have kids. This can be a very beautiful and exciting discussion to have, but also a very life altering one. When to have kids is generally a very lengthy discussion. There are often many factors that can help a couple prepare for a kid. These often look like financial stability, how big a home is, education status, and many others. While there are so many things to consider, it a good practice to 1. Always talk to one another and never make decisions that produce repercussions behind your spouse’s back. 2. Asking yourself, “are these excuses to put off bringing a baby to this world.” 3. Is my job or education being put in front of my family? I put the third one because I have found this is a common question and/or situation that myself and many others face. Now I am not a counselor or life coach, but during my education research this semester I have found that there are a million different reasons to put off having a kid. While all may seem legitimate reasons, it stirs my to confusion why so many other aspects are put in front of a growing family. The family is a corner stone to the American life. We need strong families to set examples and help grow the countries economy, morals and overall wellbeing. I encourage you to really think through the things standing in your way to grow your family.

Overall, marriage is hard. But as you do hard things, your potential for greater happiness will grow, and who doesn’t want to be happy.