What is the difference between
men and women? Honestly think about it. What are the characteristic differences
that we stereotype each gender with?
This week I have been studying
this question, and with some research that I did, here is what I have come up.
*These observations are based on a curved graph, one that looks like this.
Here the line has a center that is the highest point. On either side we see that the graph inclines and declines. When I talk about theses characteristic traits, I am speaking about the center point, where most people who are stereotypical men and women live.
Man
-Independent
-Rough and tumble
"play"
-Physical aggression
-Object focused
-Competitive
"play"
Woman
-caregiving (nurturing)
-Detailed oriented
-communication
-Relationship focused
-Verbal aggression
These observations come from
watching a study done about observing young children and their natural tendencies.
These Children who came from very neutral gender homes. Boy were told that they
can play with barbies and girls were told they can play with toy cars. But what
was observed was quite different…
Without guidance the children separated
into two groups, boys, and girls. The girls where much more interested in
making the inanimate relationship that they wanted to create between them and
the toys, baby dolls, cooking utensils, barbies etc. Their concern was on the
welfare and safety of their toys. They made smaller more soft actions with
their toys. The boys went into a community game and made gun look alike out of
random toys and sticks. They displayed more aggressive behaviors. They fought
for their teams or themselves. They were determined to finish their missions
they had set. They were much more object fixed then relationship, which was the
opposite with the girls.
It was a fun exercise to watch
the study take place and relate it to relationships in my own life and how men
and women differ in my life.
Thinking upon my grandma and grandpa,
the roles are quite different. My grandpa is very tough and knowledge able
about horses, cows, and took care of them. My grandma would help him when he
needed it, but mostly worked with the kids. She would make sure they were fed,
doing their homework, cleaned etc. They both had very distinct roles and I saw
this get passed on to their children.
Now like I said in the beginning,
not every situation or person is the same. That graph as two opposite sides to
it. And I have an example like this.
In my life my mother took upon
herself multiple roles. Because of her unique situation, she was forced to also
take on and lead in strong attributes that sometimes were contradictory. To use
examples from the list above, she had to be relationship focused and at the same
time objective focused. To explain this, here is a story.
Mom always had to make sure we were on time for
school. To do this she would wake us up when we were younger. Sometimes she
would be ever so gentle and rub our backs and say “sweetheart, good morning,”
in a sing song voice. But she was always firm that we had to be awake on time.
She was firm in her objective but gentle with the relationship. She was
wonderful and managed the balance beautifully.
Now, in society we have these
difference. Some say its natural and normal for men and women to fall into their
‘assigned’ roles. Others say it is because of the relationship and environment in
which we are raised. It is a bit of both.
Because my mom was raised in a
culture and taught what the roles of men and women are, she betrayed that as
well when she became an adult. But overtime her environment changed which also
meant that a change must happen in her role as well. See, both can have an influence,
and both are important.
I want to leave you with a question,
something to think on. We revere women who take on roles that men go; in fact,
we encourage it. Women have the right to be equal with men, and if you disagree
that means you hate women. But when men take on roles or jobs done by women, we
put the man down. We make fun of him and tell him he is not a real man. Why? Why
do we demine and put less value on what women do and their natural roles? Why
can’t men do what women do?
We (as a society) are missing out
when we do not allow men to reach their greatest potential because we limit them
to what their potential is. This can be detrimental and all we end up doing is hurting
ourselves.
Look through the list above and tell me what is so wrong with a man who is nurturing, or relationship driven? I know my husband is calmer than me, and it helps me reach my greatest potential. Why should I deny him to reach his as well?
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